The Hell I Put My Mom Through
I was never one to show affection towards my mother. In fact, I am still not. When my mom tries to give me a hug, one of my arms goes limp and only the other one will wrap around her. For some reason the words, “I Love You” get stuck somewhere in my mouth. She knows that I love her, but for some reason the words just cannot come out of my mouth.
They say if you are a woman (clearly I am not so I am only hearing this third hand) that if you want to see how a man will treat you, watch how he treats his mother. Well I am glad that I have such an incredible wife could see beyond that and realize that I do love my mother, I just don’t always show it. Otherwise, I would not be where I am in my wonderful life, which is incredible because of my wife. Anyway, enough trying to earn points.
I really don’t know what my deal is. Maybe it is because I haven’t really reached the adult age of 30. Maybe this is really my way of showing my mother that I love her but giving her these one-armed hugs. Could that be our thing? So mom if you are reading this, the one-armed thing is our special thing and that is why I do it and it is my way of showing you that I love you.
The way that I treat my mother though, has a trickle-down effect to my son as well.
Even though the Kid is about to turn 4, I am already able to see this trait in him. He is acting a lot like I acted towards my mother but towards me. I know that he is my off-spring and inevitably he has the worst traits of me in him. Anytime I ask for a hug or kiss he gives it to me which is an improvement. Obviously I am doing something right as a dad BUT he will not tell me that he loves me in a normal voice.
Now, I understand that the word “love” to a 4-year-old probably doesn’t mean a much. He hears his mother and father say it to each other all the time. In his eyes, it is something that only moms and dads say to each other. He probably realizes that he is yet to be a dad so he can probably not say it.
It isn’t that he won’t say it. He will when he is asked but the way he says it very begrudgingly. Much like the way that his dad says it to his mother. All I want is for him to tell me in his normal kid voice that he loves me. That really isn’t too much to ask right?
I am starting to sound like mother now. I now understand what she was going through with all the one-armed hugs. I mean I am her son for crying out loud and I am nearly 30 years old. I shouldn’t be embarrassed to give her a hug. Much like the Kid shouldn’t begrudgingly tell me that he loves me even though I know he does.
Will this changed anything between my mother and me after coming to this realization? Probably not. Like I said, the one-armed hugs has become our special thing between her and myself. I don’t have to tell her I love her, because this is my way of showing it. I know that no matter what even if the Kid says it in such a way that he is annoyed and that he has to tell me he loves me for the 15th time, he loves me. It is that special bond that a parent and child share that brings them closer together.