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How to NOT Raise a Toddler


Recently babble came out with a list of “Don’ts” for parents raising toddlers.  Most of this was written from the female perspective as with most parenting blogs out there these days.  So I decided to throw my male thoughts into their list.

  1. Don’t Ask, “Why did you do that?” – I ask the Kid all the time that, granted I know that he is smart enough to realize that it is a rhetorical question and I don’t need a response from him.  I will continue to ask him why he chose to put one of his toys in the dishwasher.
  2. Don’t be surprised by the number of things you will find in the toilet – Luckily I haven’t hit this phase yet and I am sure that for the first couple of times I will be shocked when I find my work cell phone being flushed down the toilet along with some of his Little People.  It will only be a matter of time before I won’t be amazed by the things that end up there.
  3. Don’t be surprised by the number of things that can NOT end up in the toilet – they give the example of a purse here for women because most blogs out there believe that women are the primary parents (don’t get me started).  So I will talk about the diaper bag since that is for all intents and purposes is my “purse” now.  Even now, I am not shocked when I find three sets of pj’s from the kids bottom drawer in my bag, that I didn’t put in there,  when I am out shopping.
  4. Don’t assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of be followed – What parent will not repeat directions?  I can’t say how many times I have told the Kid, “No” on multiple occasions and for a while it didn’t get through to him, but now he doesn’t throw all the dvds off the shelf anymore!
  5. Don’t Over Explain Adult Situations – Alright well let me explain this to you.  I am upset because you are putting things in the toilet and I am finding odd things in the diaper bag, also, we had to pick up a second job just to support you since our sitter is extremely expensive and now we are flat out broke.  Ok that might not have been the best example and probably never a conversation I will have.
  6. Don’t say, “Let’s Wash Your Hair!” – Ok we may have lucked out but right now the Kid loves getting his hair washed.   Bath time is his favorite past time right now, in fact he loves it when water is running down his head.  He thinks its fun… for right now!
  7. Don’t wear a short skirt to a toddler birthday party – Dang it! That is something that I have always wanted to do!  Ok well maybe I wish that Hot Mama would do… I guess until then, I will just to fantasize about her doing that! HAHA!
  8. Don’t let a boy shorter then the toilet try to pee standing up – Who wrote this thing? Obviously they had to have tried that!  You see there is this thing call “Common Sense!” If where the pee is coming out of is not in the direct line of where the pee is supposed to go into, it will not go into said thing!
  9. Don’t ask your toddler if he wants to do something – I run my house with an iron fist and the Kid will do everything I ask of him… if that means i ask “Do you want to go out and mow the lawn?” at the age of two!
  10. Don’t try and catch vomit in your hands – uh gross! I try and catch it on my shirt and wear it with pride! “Yeah, that’s right my son just threw up on me! I’m the coolest parent ever!”

To see how Babble explained this list be sure to head over there.

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About The Rookie Dad

I am husband and father foremost. Secondly, I am a PBS producer and contribute to Traveling Dads and Dads Round Table.

Posted on January 8, 2012, in Fatherhood and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I will always try to catch vomit! Always. Usually in a bowl, but my hands will work in a pinch. And I don’t know why women wear short skirts anywhere!

  2. I think asking a toddler why they did something is a good thing, if asked correctly. If it’s said in anger it won’t accomplish anything, but if you try and actually figure out why your kid did something it can help you in future situations. Also, it teaches them that what they did was not okay and they need to alter their behavior.

    #6 doesn’t make a lick of sense to me. In my opinion you should try and make activities that your child doesn’t like fun. Isaac is like your kid and loves taking a bath so I don’t have to worry about their exact scenario, but things he doesn’t like doing have to be made fun or in some way appealing. If that means looking like an idiot (which it usually does), so be it.

    #9 is also dumb to me. Why shouldn’t you ask your child if they want to do something, if it’s an actual choice? Sure you don’t ask “Do you want to go to the doctor today?”, but why wouldn’t you ask, “Do you want to go to the park today?” or “Do you want to go see your friend X today?” It makes your kid feel like they’re a big kid who gets to make decisions.

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