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He got me but not himself


Well I had a moment I have been waiting for as a father since he was born. He didn’t walk, crawl, throw a ball, or say daddy. It’s almost like a right of passage most parent have to go through and you can’t do anything but laugh. But first we will back it up to early this morning to set the stage.

William woke up at his normal 5:00am time for his feeding and diaper change. We’ve grown accustomed to this and it is a shocker if he makes it through 7am without waking up at all. Apparently he hadn’t done his business in a while because this wasn’t your normal diaper change.  In order to make sure I get this story right I am taking it directly from my wife’s facebook page.  In this story the numbers represent the number of diapers used in this diaper change:

“#1 I have his ankles in one hand holding his hiney in the air. Unfolding the diaper in the other hand. He starts to poo, so I slap the diaper up against his bum to “catch” it. But I miss and he poos all over the outside of the diaper. ‎#2 I’m cleaning him up from #1 and he poos into the baby wipe. Said baby wipe cannot contain quantity of poo, and it leaks all over fresh diaper. #3 I manage to get him cleaned up and a new diaper on. I’m just fastening the tabs when he poos AGAIN. #4 Success.”

My wife is always the one who gets hit with the 3 P’s: Poo, Pee, Puke.  She has always been a good sport about it and laughs about it and I know it makes her feel better that my chest is still hurting from the accident when I laugh.  That’s her form of vindication on me which I know is deserved on my part.  Late last night William didn’t get her he got me with one of the P’s.

She was cooking dinner and I was taking care of Señor Crankypants.  There wasn’t anything that was making him happy.  We put him in his swing, he loves his swing 95% of the time, but he wasn’t having it.  I gave him tummy time, that lasted about 15 minutes in which he started to lift his head up off the floor this time, but after that 15 minutes he turned in Señor Crankypants again.  I turned him over, nope that didn’t work.  So I decided to stand him up on my lap.  He was looking around like he normally does, he was watching me play with him.  He wasn’t happy like he normally is which was odd since he’d had a diaper change and was fed, but he was doing what he normally does when we let him stand up in our laps: dancing.  He loves to dance (I’m still working on getting video of it, he is a bit camera shy like his dad).  As he was dancing he projectile threw up all over me.  What I consider amazing about this was that he got all the throw up all over me but didn’t get a single drop on himself.  Way to go bud!  I couldn’t do anything but laugh!  He finally got me with one of the P’s.

Honestly most parents probably don’t think that this is something to be proud of but I consider it a right of passage.   If your child doesn’t provide you with atleast one of the P’s all over you then you really haven’t experienced the joys of parenthood in my eyes.   This way when your child is a teenager you can tell them that you are just making up for all the times you got pee’d, poo’d, and puked on when they were a baby.

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About The Rookie Dad

I am husband and father foremost. Secondly, I am a PBS producer and contribute to Traveling Dads and Dads Round Table.

Posted on January 13, 2011, in Fatherhood and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. When my son took his first flight to visit someone in Utah, he was 3 months old. He slept beautifully for the 90 minute flight there- not a peep out of him! The way back was a totally different story. I nursed him while we were taxi-ing…then we were stuck on the tarmac for another 30 minutes, so Igave him the bottle as we were taking off for his ears. He drank that down too and after he finished, we were in the air and I stood him up- HE projectile barfed ALL over me! Barf down the front of my shirt, the front of my pants, and because the seats were leather, the barf pooled in the seat and seeped into the back of my pants. I learned right there and then to ALWAYS carry an extra shirt for me in my diaper bag!

    • WOW! That’s all I will say is WOW! Luckily he got me when we were at home but I would have never thought to throw in another shirt.

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